Throwback Archive

How pleasant it must feel

Dreaming of your dreams

Thoughts supplied from 1000 different streams

There came a time when I dreamt no more

The streams kept flowing but never reached the shore

Emotional supply barred from my core

Standing in oblivion, a constant bore

 

What has done this to my mind

What culprit has stolen from me

One of the few things in life that feels divine

Is there nothing that’ll bring back my inspiration

Will my heart suffer another loving fixation

 

I wish and I wish

For my dreams to come back

Oh God of Wishes, grant me what I lack

Grown child refusing to be restricted

Adolescent man tried and convicted

Forceful maturity impressed

Seriousness of the situation stressed

 

A mind that couldn’t cope

Still finds little or no hope

They say Banishment must be endured

As a mean to become one of the cured

 

But no cure is seen on this barren ground

Just lost souls wishing to find ‘found’

Bloody and brutish they fight

Sobering circumstances accompany the night

 

Lord of the Flies speaks loud

Pay attention or drown

Age is no factor in this pit

It’s all about what you can get

 

Humanity is gauged off of possessions

Past becomes a rolodex of repressions

SCREAMING! child wants free

The complex wants its fee

The end is thought of like the beginning:

Seems in either circumstance there’s no winning

Time bounds passed speculation

A Distance too far for calculation

 

Growing up inside of OUT

Out growing up to spur doubt

What is reality from my position

What can I expect but attrition

 

Atrophying is not hard when tied down

Here I sit restrained with my bucolic crown

Strapped to the modern day cross

Staring at my reflection in the linoleum gloss

 

NIHILITY encroaches in regimental phalanx

Death might be welcomed with a ‘Thanks’

Survival is hardly worth the separation

Being left alone: is that liberation?

 

Potential once had now: emaciated

Chance to grasp the fact: desiccated

Freedom still enchained: no advancement

System set against him: no enhancement

 

‘Help’ means nothing without reply

A poisonous substance without a high

Felony whimpers are cast aside

Your bias imbues what he doesn’t hide

 

Tattooed skin yearning for expression

Self-mutilation, wanting only the question

Wayward actions ignored until their height

Prison is the last minute might

 

Fixing the problem is the intention

But with a problematic fix comes correction

So hard on him without giving a solution

Open up and let us slip the truth in

 

There’s a world of grey to perceive

The loveless wait there to receive

They die hungry or are brought home

They die happy or become skin and bone

 

The choice is yours whether or not to care

The options are yours, always to bear

Humanity is all encompassing, don’t forget it

We all of one kind, admit it

Your beauty is blinding 

Your eyes all confining

One glance runs shivers down my spine

One word and I lose time 

The elegant red dress you wear

Nowhere does it have a pair

Neck smoother than the petals on a rose

Posture held in a confident pose

You are the Sun to my Earth

The Earth to my Moon

Your resistance leaves me pacing the room

The blood in my veins 

The reason for my pains

You walk like the ocean

Laugh like the wind

Shine like a star

And look like sin

One bullet

Within itself

Has the power to kill many

Regardless of stature and wealth

 

One gun

In working manner

Has he power to kill hundreds

Cut down to a pile of matter

 

One being

Vile in nature

Has the power to kill thousands

An insecure, immature, saboteur

 

But

 

One person

Whole at heart

Has the power to save millions

By just taking part

Conscience back – seated by emotion 

Midnight breath causing miasma 

Sordid story continues 

Injustice to my ears

Filth emanates on table and inches forth

 

Breakfast 

The moon is bright eyed, voices piercing

Each syllable makes me cringe 

Inner wrath, reversed attrition 

Crushing plastic spork as I impetuously go on eating 

Body morphing into rigid statuesque pose

Emotional melt down on the fringe

Human beauty overshadowed by rage’s thought 

 

Breakthrough 

Conscience back, spectacles clean

Exercise of patience

Fight won 

Time no longer existed to him.  There were days he tried to remember exactly what he forgot, but when anything became palpable his mind would freeze up.  The inclination always came while he was in a haze.  He would walk through a mist searching out a tic toc’ only to be brought back to reality when getting close.  He would always wonder whether it was a dream.  If it was, it was the good dream.

He often had terrors.  Not night terrors or day terrors, just terrors.  They happened when he stopped thinking. There was something that existed within his non-action that wanted him; it hated him; it would muster every inch of will to try and overcome his will.  It’s banshee-like scream permeated his bones.  The longer he sat in silence the louder the noise got.  The noise seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere: it was almost like standing next to a concert speaker on full blast and expecting to hear the song.

In his frenzied silence, before the mind numbing, debilitating din started, memories would start to flood his mind of what time once meant. But they came like an 8 mm reel comprised of all different clips.  He would concentrate as hard as he could but even the most lasting of them appeared like geometric hieroglyphs.  The images would scare him so much he would start screaming.  He would scream for hours not knowing why.  Then, when he realized the noise had been him all along, everything stopped and he thought.  He thought until he was in a haze…

Spring blossom, winter frost

The birth of life, the killing off

They come and they go 

As I sit and stay

Contently watching

Mother Nature’s ballet

 

Season after season

I grow old

Waiting and wondering

What season will turn me cold

 

Withered and weathered

I shall die

Returning this body to the earth

And my soul…to the sky

There’s a place we can go to be free

But it is beyond distance

-Words stop in mid sentence as reality dawns 

Sunrise smiles on wicked soul 

Sprouting doomed flower in sidewalk crack

Boots come and boots stomp as man goes to work 

Fisherman pulls line, finds straightened hook

 

There is love to be felt

But our hearts are beyond feeling

-Gripping chill numbs lips on her pallid face

Love’s look flutters from her eyes

Rose petals fall, breaking perennial perfection 

First herald of killing frost

Alone, I retreat, a slave to the grind

Dead tired in a deep sleep

Dead man walking, his knees are weak

His heart is tired, his mind confused

Worn down, yes, worn out

Last drops before the drought

Can’t tell him to stop

Can’t tell him to go

Impervious to your screams

Always screaming, screaming in his dreams

 

Mouth grotesquely agape

As you’re in his face

It upsets you even more because he just continues

On the same rhythmic pace

 

Marching through the desert

Traveling through the dark

No rest stop, no landmark

 

Not that there was even a temptation

Just one thought:

reach salvation

A nice smile, handsome face

But can you see the demons,

deep within I fight to erase?

The Devil’s chains tug at my mind

They attach to my tongue

My rationality they wish to bind

I wrestle and yell and scream!

Rationality!

Please, free me from this dream

I build our bond in my imagination

I kindle the fire of this conflagration

I search out the signs that aren’t really there

I smile and you don’t, but I couldn’t care

Love is not an act of reciprocation

To dislike me is not cause for devastation

Superman of the sky, I’ll watch from atop

Never intruding on your life, unless to stop…

The bullet with your name

The bus headed towards your frame

The mugger with a rusty hate

The pitbull with an angry spate

Death waiting around the corner:

Anything that’d make me mourn ya

 

Pay me no attention, I’ll pay you back in spades

Give me no chance to ask, I’ll love all my days

Let me catch you fleeting, running to some end

Take the seat next to me, lend me your ear to bend

I turned on the news

Instantly felt        -sick

Disgusted by society’s appetite

Goaded by rhetoric

 

I threw up in my mouth

And choked on my own puke

I was just another news story

- “Killed by a conscience rebuke.”

Still I wonder, without refuge 

How the pieces come together

and how they fell apart

 

Shifting plates nibble on the edges 

Shooting stars blast through cosmic dust

 

There is no “I” in team 

No longer a “you” in we 

 

days pile on in heaps

smoldering like autumn leaves

threatening to leave us stillborn

-destroying all that we hold fond

 

I am stuck in a rocky place 

Between death and life

Sucking on regeneration 

Invigorated by momentum 

 

I am lost within the letters of love  

On a back-and-forth voyage, 

One syllable to the next

And back again

I am bloody, broken, bruised, and battered

Yet I still love 

Emotionally raped, physically tortured

Yet my eyes still look to the above 

It’s not so much what I believe

As it is what the gesture represents

I did my crime, I do my time

But I will not be executed by penitence 

 

My passion is not fake

My smile is not mock

I have learned to live in sorrow

I have learned to survive on this rock

 

My circumstances appear sordid

One would assume I’d be depressed 

But I am in indomitable incandescence 

I refuse to be repressed

I am the crowning wave of a tsunami

Attempting to surmount all in my way

I am the conscientious totalitarian 

Tyrannically shackling each moment of the day

                                                          -MMF

Tic’ toc’, tic’ toc’

How the time has passed 

Collect calls to the house 

The time went so fast

Tic’ toc’, tic’ toc’

“You have one minute left.”

Robbed of time: the true theft

Too much to say, too little time

Impersonal atmosphere 

Sitting next to a sexual prevention sign

Tic’ toc’, tic’ toc’

 -in prison one tries to forget the clock-

No warning at the end

Just a “Thank you for using PCS, please call again.”

I sit in contemplation

Fighting off the chill

It is as if the world has gone 

Leaving me with my will

Hazy thoughts, find open wounds

I meditate in silence on a solution

My face has felt the dead glow of many moons

But no night have I ever found the truth in

You might say I subject myself to this torturous condition

Sometimes I need the pain

At the lake of unconsciousness I throw my wish in

Hoping for equilibrium while I’m still sane

It’s this thought alone driving my forth

Bringing meaning to my sorrow

Exercising my demons until their voices are hoarse

Working for a better tomorrow

 

It’s Hope and Love that drive a man 

But it’s also these two that Kill

The heart is a battlefield for the grand

Where valorous soldier finally sit still

​

                                     -MMF

Made to feel out of place, out of mind

Ill intentions that are well defined

I am but a fly in a hornet’s nest

Trapped, because in evil I refuse to invest

​

Thrashed about amongst the wet, cold rocks

Suffering comparable to a heroin addict’s detox

Rehabilitate; such an easy word to say 

Given until my 33rd year, in the 3rd month, on the 20th day

​

That’s 18 years for those of you who are unaware of the numbers

18 winters and 18 summers

Is Destiny really real?

Am I destined to suffer the pains of wounds that don’t heal

​

Scarred for life but I still live

Among the animals, held as a captive

Prisoner of war, confined in my head

Puppet suspended by one last thread

​

It’s like floating through a masquerade

False emotions are portrayed

Trusting no one but myself

Because here, friendship is bad for one’s health

This is my blackness

Cavitation within a hole

I’m wet with ink

Canvassing my soul

 

I paint what they say should be

Indelible marks upon my heart

From all the world

Deposited apart

 

Slithering in between dark places

Constant paranoid oscillation

Boots with strange-tight laces

Practicing the prescribed occupation

 

I listen to the noise

In a fourth dimension

Brush strokes of pain

A fluttering, silent tension

 

Dumb with remorse

I get bogged in moods

Trying to decipher wayward actions:

To what does this plague allude?

It is time to see the psych

To talk once again

One sided conversation

Pleading from within the Pen

 

The psychologists they give us

They’re from the back of the line

They may have college degrees

But they’re useless and blind

​

Impervious when I plead

Hand gestures and smiles

As if that’s all I need

I’m asking for help

You want to put me on dope

I’m asking for help

Hell, I’m asking for Hope

Ravishing eyes of a 1000 petal Lotus

Heartbeat hummingbird, nectar is my name

Philosophic gape of soul touching ecstasy 

Leaving ruins of men in its wake 

I voyage through Love’s cairns in pursuit 

Ego whispers, “You are the one…”

 

She is my love, for the gypsy did foretell

Like Stella and Luna, juxtaposed 

Till death wrenches them asunder, this body and I apart

Manumitted from gross materialistic world

I shall pace the cosmos searching out her embrace

Eon upon eon, for love knows no bounds

I am desperate and deserted,

Contempt and contorted. 

I am trapped but free,

I am dead but alive.

I am out of sight but always here,

On the edge of humanity 

Where time tic's by by the year. 

I smile but no one sees;

I speak but no one listens.

 

I exist until I die: 

The question is, 

"Who am I?"